Mindful Honu

Original Painting size 36×50” Oil on Hand Stretched Linen

I could never forget the day that inspired this painting.

It was an accomplishment like no other. It was the day I learned how to dive. Let me tell you about it… I was born in Colorado but have been obsessed (and I mean - creating only nautical-themed art projects from age 3 obsessed) with the sea for as long as I can remember. So as soon as I learned what Scuba Diving was, I knew it was something I must learn one day. Fast forward to June 2022 and the time came for me to visit my friend Ruthie who I had created murals for years prior at a restaurant she owned on St. Pete Beach. Ruthie was now a dive instructor living and teaching in Puerto Rico and invited me for a visit which would include a dive certification. Let me add here that a few years ago, I stopped using any type of imagery that was not my own to paint from. I don’t use stock images or google for photo inspiration ever. It is very important for me and my process that my images come from my direct experiences with the the things I paint - be it animals, people or landscapes. I came to the (at the time sad) realization that this would mean I could not paint sea life until I got dive certified and got my own footage of the underwater life - which is why if you look back in my paintings over the years, you’ll see there’s been a multi-year lapse of sea animals being painted. Anyway…

The day came for us to head out to the water for our first day of diving. My sister accompanied me for this trip and was also to be certified. We had both already completed all our online PADI work and it was time to do our water skills.

Left: Instructor Ruthie, Middle: Captain Scotty, Right: Dave 

My sister - and natural fish, Taylor.

We drove way out to what felt like the middle of the ocean to our first dive spot and I remember my complete lack of nerves changing suddenly as I felt the boat rocking with the swell and seeing how deep the water actually was. All the sudden my smooth tummy felt as rocky as the water! We attached to a mooring ball at our location and everyone got in the water. I felt completely overwhelmed feeling all the gear on me and even though I had learned every detail of what was on my body during my online studies, in this moment, I was frozen with fear and uncertainty. You know where this is going…

One by one, Ruthie took the students down the anchor line to do some mask skills (various skills that show you know how to confidently clear your mask of water, take it off and put it back on, etc……. All…. Under…. WATER!) Well, during my very first mask skill, I sucked water up my nose, convinced myself I was suffocating and about to die and pulled myself up the line (about 12 inches) to get my head above water into the open air I knew and trusted. I had a complete panic attack and in that moment, accepted that diving wasn’t for me. I was absolutely certain there was nothing - and I mean NO THING that could get me to go back down.

Ruthie was an absolute angel and after reprimanding me for spitting my regulator out of my mouth under water during my freak-out, she helped calm me, let me breathe and gave me time to process my fears. She also reminded me that I was a mermaid and that there was no way I wasn’t going to go back down.

Soon enough, after what felt like an hour but was probably realistically only about 10 minutes, I mustered the courage to go back down and continue on.

I remember being completely frozen with fear. Every single breath felt like lead in my body and I remember it being all that I had to overpower the fear of my brain telling me “GO BACK UP!!” and meet all my new friends, sister and Ruthie down at the bottom. Everyone was SO patient giving me time to acclimate to my new terrifying surroundings at 30 feet underwater and get my breathing to a point of semi-normalcy before we all followed Ruthie on a nice swim over the reef.

It was ALL there. Everything I had ever DREAMED of seeing. Rays, eels, fish of every color imaginable. Soft coral swaying in the current like a willow tree in the breeeze, coral heads as big as full sized school buses - all of it. It was overwhelming. At this point my brain was still telling me “the further you get from the boat, the further you are from safety - GO BACK NOW!” So even though I was experiencing a new world in front of my eyes, I was still too paralyzed with fear to really take it all in.

This screenshot from my GoPro video hardly does justice to the amount of color you see with the naked eye radiating off the coral and fish!

By the time we got toward the end of the dive, Ruthie decided to take us back to an original spot she told us we would likely see sea turtles, but hadn’t in the beginning of the dive. And right there, in front of my eyes, I see a mass on the ground and as we get closer - it is a HUGE absolutely STUNNING green sea turtle!!!!!! I gasped so many times through my regulator that I completely threw my bouyancy off by inhaling too much and lifting so high in the water, it took me what felt like forever to equalize my ears to get back down again. Lesson Learned!

And just like that - I was there. I was in the moment. I had no fear. My brain was not telling me to get out of the water or shoot to the surface. My breathing finally calmed (as much as I could despite my excitement) and I was in complete awe.

Tears filled my eyes and I remember wishing they hadn’t because it was blurry! I was finally experiencing something I’d only ever been able to see from TV or other peoples photos. I was breathing through my regulator like you would on land - without even thinking about it it - relaxed and calm. I was happy. I was present. I knew this moment would change my life forever. The turtle let all of us spend the rest of our air with him. He ate all the grass he could find as we all circled around taking photos and basking in his presence. I remember staring at the pattern on his shell and his flippers thinking it was the most stunning thing I’ve ever seen, and that humans could never create something so beautiful but how badly I wanted to try.

The moment and photo (Thank you GoPro!) that inspired the painting. He had his fill of sea grass and was ready to surface for air, right at the moment we had to surface, too!

Of course I had to meditate with him to thank him!

I knew I’d be immortalizing this turtle and this moment forever. The animal that made me rembember my dreams and silence my fears. The animal that helped bring me back to the moment and feel the power of presence. Every time I see this painting, the beauty of the moment I interacted with him is flooded to my mind like it’s happening real time.

As I type this, I now have 16 dives logged and can’t wait until that number is triple digits! I will dive as long as my body allows and I am so proud of myself for going back down that day I had my panic attack. For the record - I passed all my mask and swim test skills with flying colors after much journaling and meditating that night and will get my Advanced Open Water Cert soon!